I'm A Hater, He's A Hater, She's A Hater, We Some Haters, Wouldn't You Like To Be A Hater Too?

I hate cause you 'fly', I hate cause I'm not...This is why, this is why, this is why I HATE.

It's official. I'm what you may call a hater. Not to be confused with a 'lover'. Albeit, I am a lover...not a fighter. I'm too old for that. Fighting, that is. I'm also off track of what I was talking about. Where was I? That's right...me, the hater.

I'm totally aware that being considered a hater (or even a self-proclaimed hater) is not necessarily a positive attribute to one's character. However, in my defense, I will say that I'm at least an equal opportunity hater as oppose to someone who hates specifics. My brand of hate holds no boundaries or limitations as it spans from sea to shining sea, all races, creeds, and colors, genders, class, age groups, heights, weights...well, you get the picture. Sometimes I hate for no reason. Other times, with reason. And other times other than the other times I previously mentioned, I hate for hating's sake.

With that out of the way, I will now list a few things that I hate. Keep in mind this list is FAR from being all inclusive because my hate has no limit. How you do dat der? Uuuggghhh!!

To the list:

Number One: Sunglasses.
Obviously the coolest cats in the club

It's a known fact that sunglasses make you look cool. I look cool in mine and I'm sure you do too. Even the most anti-pretty person looks a tad bit better behind some cool frames. I don't really disdain sunglasses per se, but more so people who wear them at inappropriate times. Just this past weekend, I was walking around Atlantic Station and I saw a few guys wearing sunglasses. The sun was chilling on the west coast at this time and had been left Atlanta for the day, but these dudes was walking around all willy nilly like it was bright as the fuck outside. To top it off, the next day, I was reading a small article in Creative Loafing (I can read...I'm not ignorant) that asked a few people why they wore sunglasses while indoors. The answers ranged from "Because I'm fucked up all the time" to "It brings out my alter ego" to "Because I slept with my make-up on". Depending on whom you ask, I guess any of those reasons would be suffice.

On the other hand...fuck those people. I hate them. I'm not cool like them and I can't even look cool at night or in a dimly lit space as they effortlessly do. I'm hating. I already struggle to see at night sometimes cause my vision is not the greatest. Word to my momma (and papa). Not that I go often, but even the flashing lights and hazy atmosphere of a club makes it hard for me to see. These fuckers however are obviously blessed with Superman-like vision because they're able to fully function under such low lighting conditions...WITH their dark ass shades on. The end result is they can still manage to maintain their swag while I on the other hand look like a complete lame with my eyes all exposed to the public and shyt. Not.Fair. I wanna hide behind my shades (and all my insecurities) like they do. I wanna be Joe Cool and wear my $600 Prada frames when I walk through the VIP in slow motion like I'm in a video. Shiiddd...who am I kidding. I hate those folks cause I'm not rich (nor dumb) enough to pay for some glasses that cost .6 of a stack. Fuckers.

Number Two: Barack Obama.


Yep, I'm an Obama hater. Don't get it twisted, that's my man (read: my nigga). From being best qualified for the position to representing (hope for) a positive change in American politricks, I fux wit' dude. He's cool. He's so cool, it seems like he's the 'wear sunglasses in the dark' mixed with 'Men In Black' type cool. He even got a cool ass job, even though it's one of the hardest and most stressful ones. I'd even state that all the states in the United States are in a such a shytty state right now that having a great leader is one step in fixing the state of America. Luck, I pray him.

Irregardless (it IS a word, look it up), I hate the fact that he has SO many dick riders out there. Michele has to be a very confident woman to deal with all the females (and males) who have a crush on, in love, or are just uber-infactuated with everything he does. I mean his groupies are hard to the core. With their "I <3 Obama" t-shirts, buttons, bumper stickers, coffee mugs, tattoos, flasks, chicken, condoms, and everything else they wanna attach to his name and likeness, this dude is truly an American idol. Speaking of such, I hate the fact that not once, but twice during this season of 'American Idol', the shows didn't come on because of some presidential address. Out of ALL the times he could've came on TV, he chose the American Idol time slot. Out of all the shows with horrible ratings, he's gonna pick one of MY shows to talk about political shyt. Damn you Mr. President.

Number Three: Dumb Muafuggas Who Don't Know They're Dumb.


Granted, dumb folks only make folks like I look that much smarter so they do serve a purpose. Nevertheless, there's nothing worse than a fool who thinks he/she knows everything. I'm a pretty smart dude in various aspects of life and I'll be the first to admit that I don't know it all. I do try to learn something new e'ry day though.

In speaking and writing I tend to stray from the English language and rules of proper grammar and spelling a bit. Call me ignorant or dumb if you want, but in actuality, I knows how I be using my sentences and words and shyt. I just took a 'quiz' on facebook.com and I scored "Grammar Master" meaning I'm "at the top of the heap when it comes to grammar and spelling." And we all know that facebook doesn't lie, right? I'm even creative enough to make up my own words at least thrice a week so get off my bozack (copyright EPMD). However, there's a big difference between myself who knowingly does this and others who are totally oblivious to the offenses they make on a regular basis.

Here's another example from this past weekend.

***SIDENOTE: I had the Best Weekend Ever!! END SIDENOTE***

I'm at Uptown Comedy Corner with a beautiful and bright (in more ways than one) young lady and we're looking over the menu. I'm aware that we're not at an upscale, five-star restaurant or anything like that, but I can't help but notice a few misspelled words on the menu. I pay it no mind until my date points out the fact that they spelled "tilapia" with an "a" instead of the first "i". Being that I already cringed a little when I read "reisling" as oppose to "riesling" and "gran marnier" as oppose to "grand marnier", I concluded that the person (or persons) who drafted this menu probably doesn't realize their errors. Unless this is some huge "I gotcha" joke, my analysis concludes that they are dumb. And thinks that they are not. Hundreds of people read this menu nightly and for them to not have corrected this, is beyond me. Who cares though? It was just something else to laugh about.

So there you have it. I know it's not a very popular title to have, but I have embraced being a hater. I wear it proudly, dammit. And now, my good people, I ask, are you a hater too?. If so, what do you hate?