I Love The Swine, More Than You Know

Ok. Swine flu (or whatever they wanna call it now) has been all up in the news the past few days. Anyone who knows me know that I lubs me some bacon, ham, pork ribs, pork chops, all dat. I was relieved to hear that it's not something that you can catch from partaking in those fine delicacies. Well, at least not yet. You know how these things work. They tell you that you can't get it through this, this, and this, and then someone catches it through this, and the FDA and CDC are retracting their statements and shyt. It's a serious matter that has taken lives so I don't have no jokes about it except for the picture above.

Anyway, it got me to thinking. Decades ago when AIDS and HIV hit, there wasn't really such a mass alarm sounded at first. As I type, I'm watching President Obama's News Conference about his first 100 days and he's talking about this flu. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I SWEAR I don't remember hearing this type of attention given when AIDS first hit. Think about it.

*thinking*

*thought processed*

Hmmm... Reflecting on when AIDS was first brought into the spotlight, I remember it was a disease that they only thought affected homosexual males. *DING* That explains it. I recall many people saying that it was God's way of letting the gays know that what they was doing is wrong. It was a plague and individuals dismissed it because it didn't affect people in their circle. As it grew and became passed on through heroin and other intravenous drug users, it began affecting more Blacks in metropolitan areas. Again, there wasn't really an alarm. It's just killing the niggas...UNTIL heterosexual whites began contracting the disease. That's when the shyt hit the fan.

My question is: What if the government would've hopped all over this at its onslaught the way that they are doing with swine flu?? Would it have helped to stop the epidemic that has claimed so many lives over the past three decades? Would less babies be born with the virus already attacking their immune system? Would Eazy-E still be alive?

Who knows?

Although I feel like the government does have some type of responsibility in providing a healthy way of life for its constituents and protect us from the swine flu, I think it's wrong for BILLIONS of dollars to be spent on such a disease when people are already dieing at alarming rates due to cancer, AIDS, heart disease, etc. etc..

What are your thoughts?

I'm A Hater, He's A Hater, She's A Hater, We Some Haters, Wouldn't You Like To Be A Hater Too?

I hate cause you 'fly', I hate cause I'm not...This is why, this is why, this is why I HATE.

It's official. I'm what you may call a hater. Not to be confused with a 'lover'. Albeit, I am a lover...not a fighter. I'm too old for that. Fighting, that is. I'm also off track of what I was talking about. Where was I? That's right...me, the hater.

I'm totally aware that being considered a hater (or even a self-proclaimed hater) is not necessarily a positive attribute to one's character. However, in my defense, I will say that I'm at least an equal opportunity hater as oppose to someone who hates specifics. My brand of hate holds no boundaries or limitations as it spans from sea to shining sea, all races, creeds, and colors, genders, class, age groups, heights, weights...well, you get the picture. Sometimes I hate for no reason. Other times, with reason. And other times other than the other times I previously mentioned, I hate for hating's sake.

With that out of the way, I will now list a few things that I hate. Keep in mind this list is FAR from being all inclusive because my hate has no limit. How you do dat der? Uuuggghhh!!

To the list:

Number One: Sunglasses.
Obviously the coolest cats in the club

It's a known fact that sunglasses make you look cool. I look cool in mine and I'm sure you do too. Even the most anti-pretty person looks a tad bit better behind some cool frames. I don't really disdain sunglasses per se, but more so people who wear them at inappropriate times. Just this past weekend, I was walking around Atlantic Station and I saw a few guys wearing sunglasses. The sun was chilling on the west coast at this time and had been left Atlanta for the day, but these dudes was walking around all willy nilly like it was bright as the fuck outside. To top it off, the next day, I was reading a small article in Creative Loafing (I can read...I'm not ignorant) that asked a few people why they wore sunglasses while indoors. The answers ranged from "Because I'm fucked up all the time" to "It brings out my alter ego" to "Because I slept with my make-up on". Depending on whom you ask, I guess any of those reasons would be suffice.

On the other hand...fuck those people. I hate them. I'm not cool like them and I can't even look cool at night or in a dimly lit space as they effortlessly do. I'm hating. I already struggle to see at night sometimes cause my vision is not the greatest. Word to my momma (and papa). Not that I go often, but even the flashing lights and hazy atmosphere of a club makes it hard for me to see. These fuckers however are obviously blessed with Superman-like vision because they're able to fully function under such low lighting conditions...WITH their dark ass shades on. The end result is they can still manage to maintain their swag while I on the other hand look like a complete lame with my eyes all exposed to the public and shyt. Not.Fair. I wanna hide behind my shades (and all my insecurities) like they do. I wanna be Joe Cool and wear my $600 Prada frames when I walk through the VIP in slow motion like I'm in a video. Shiiddd...who am I kidding. I hate those folks cause I'm not rich (nor dumb) enough to pay for some glasses that cost .6 of a stack. Fuckers.

Number Two: Barack Obama.


Yep, I'm an Obama hater. Don't get it twisted, that's my man (read: my nigga). From being best qualified for the position to representing (hope for) a positive change in American politricks, I fux wit' dude. He's cool. He's so cool, it seems like he's the 'wear sunglasses in the dark' mixed with 'Men In Black' type cool. He even got a cool ass job, even though it's one of the hardest and most stressful ones. I'd even state that all the states in the United States are in a such a shytty state right now that having a great leader is one step in fixing the state of America. Luck, I pray him.

Irregardless (it IS a word, look it up), I hate the fact that he has SO many dick riders out there. Michele has to be a very confident woman to deal with all the females (and males) who have a crush on, in love, or are just uber-infactuated with everything he does. I mean his groupies are hard to the core. With their "I <3 Obama" t-shirts, buttons, bumper stickers, coffee mugs, tattoos, flasks, chicken, condoms, and everything else they wanna attach to his name and likeness, this dude is truly an American idol. Speaking of such, I hate the fact that not once, but twice during this season of 'American Idol', the shows didn't come on because of some presidential address. Out of ALL the times he could've came on TV, he chose the American Idol time slot. Out of all the shows with horrible ratings, he's gonna pick one of MY shows to talk about political shyt. Damn you Mr. President.

Number Three: Dumb Muafuggas Who Don't Know They're Dumb.


Granted, dumb folks only make folks like I look that much smarter so they do serve a purpose. Nevertheless, there's nothing worse than a fool who thinks he/she knows everything. I'm a pretty smart dude in various aspects of life and I'll be the first to admit that I don't know it all. I do try to learn something new e'ry day though.

In speaking and writing I tend to stray from the English language and rules of proper grammar and spelling a bit. Call me ignorant or dumb if you want, but in actuality, I knows how I be using my sentences and words and shyt. I just took a 'quiz' on facebook.com and I scored "Grammar Master" meaning I'm "at the top of the heap when it comes to grammar and spelling." And we all know that facebook doesn't lie, right? I'm even creative enough to make up my own words at least thrice a week so get off my bozack (copyright EPMD). However, there's a big difference between myself who knowingly does this and others who are totally oblivious to the offenses they make on a regular basis.

Here's another example from this past weekend.

***SIDENOTE: I had the Best Weekend Ever!! END SIDENOTE***

I'm at Uptown Comedy Corner with a beautiful and bright (in more ways than one) young lady and we're looking over the menu. I'm aware that we're not at an upscale, five-star restaurant or anything like that, but I can't help but notice a few misspelled words on the menu. I pay it no mind until my date points out the fact that they spelled "tilapia" with an "a" instead of the first "i". Being that I already cringed a little when I read "reisling" as oppose to "riesling" and "gran marnier" as oppose to "grand marnier", I concluded that the person (or persons) who drafted this menu probably doesn't realize their errors. Unless this is some huge "I gotcha" joke, my analysis concludes that they are dumb. And thinks that they are not. Hundreds of people read this menu nightly and for them to not have corrected this, is beyond me. Who cares though? It was just something else to laugh about.

So there you have it. I know it's not a very popular title to have, but I have embraced being a hater. I wear it proudly, dammit. And now, my good people, I ask, are you a hater too?. If so, what do you hate?

Coonin' part THREE!! No Mo' Fried Chicken

"You mean to tell me that we can't feed our kids because y'all didn't order enough chicken. Y'all knew y'all was having this special almost two months ago."

"It's very disappointing, I wanted some chicken today."

"This is ridiculous."

"They should of had a tractor trailer out back with extra chicken on ice, you know?"

"I was trying to feed my family tonight. Can't get that bucket in now."

"I'm never coming back now. I'm serious. I'm done."

"We've been looking foward to this day."

"How you gonna run out of chicken? That's all I have to say."

As some of you know, this past Wednesday, April 22nd, Popeyes Chicken and Biscuits had a deal that advertised 8 pieces of fried chicken for the jaw-dropping price of $4.99. People.Were.On.It.

As I pulled into the West End mall to get my hair cut, the line in the Lee St. Popeyes extended well into the street. I thought to myself, hmmmm...I think I know what I'm having for dinner tonight. When I left the barber shop, the line had shrunken but I no longer desired that crispy Louisiana fried chicken. My taste buds had moved on. C'est a Vie.

Lo and behold, I later find out that in other places across the country, some Popeyes had ran out of chicken. THAT'S when the shyt hits the fan.



The quotes above are from some very disappointed folks who were unable to take advantage of the chicken deal. After watching the video, all I could do is shake my head in disbelief. After all the stereotypes that we try to debunk, here we have a handful of people crying to news cameras about how they NEED that good ol' fried chicken. Although I deeply believe that EVERYONE lubs fried chicken, all the people in the news story are Black.

Damn.

I could only imagine people of other races sitting around their television sets or computer screens talkin' 'bout, "Them niggas love their fried chicken, don't they?"

Although I want to say shame on the reporter, producer, camera op, and editor for the story, this is a special "Coonin'" moment for all the individuals who are seen and heard in this video.

Please, cease the Coonin'.

video courtesy of Telese

WAKE UP!!

"Pic-a-ninny, Barbie Doll, High-Yella Heffa, Tar Baby, Wannabe White, Jigaboo...Don't start...We're gonna finish it." - classic dialogue from A Spike Lee Joint called "School Daze"

It's no getting around the fact that Black Americans (I know other cultures have similar dynamics but I'm not talkin' 'bout them right now) have truly deep-rooted issues when it comes to the color spectrum that we are born with. "Whether you're darkie or fair", it evidently shows and it's no way of getting around it. It's something that derives from ancestors, genetics, and all that good stuff that one has no control over or choice in the matter.

Some of us don't even subscribe to the color we actually are in a feeble wish to be of another complexion, and then get upset when others point out your 'true colors'. This goes both ways - from light-skinned individuals claiming not to be with hopes of furthering the lines between them and their slave masters' skintone to dark-skinned individuals who have always rationalized their darker skin as a negative based on societal standards. Stereotypes run rampant about people based on their color of skin and although many whites pre-judge us on a daily basis, there's no denying that we do it ourselves on a daily basis. Fact of the matter is, as a whole, we're pretty much a confused bunch.

Several things have caught my attention in recent weeks that has led me to want to discuss this issue. One is the casting call email that was sent out to many ethnic models about a promo event for Ciroc vodka. It reads as such:

“Ciroc Promotion. Ciroc promo is this Friday, March 27, 2009. Time: 3:00pm - 7:00pm and 12:00am - 3:00am Requirements: Race: White, hispanic or light skinned african american. Height: At least 5′6 or taller. Size 7 or smaller. Thisis a cash @ wrap job and the booking will be thru our partner. Please submit asap. Talent will only be contacted if the client is interested in booking you!!! Compensation: $35.00 per hour.”

When this posting was circulated across the internet, there was a firestorm of people threatening to boycott the liquor company as well as its spokesperson, P.Diddy. The notion that they wanted "exotic"-looking females that were particularly of a lighter hue touched a too familiar spot amongst brown-skinned and dark-skinned models in the industry. Even though the posting was from a third party management company, Diddy and Ciroc promptly put there damage-control tactics into play saying they don't discriminate when it comes to skin complexions. Pre-existing images of ads with darker-skinned models emerged to show there's no bias.

Whatever.

The slightest look into media shows clearly that there IS a bias. Not just in the realm of Hip Hop-themed videos, advertisements, and promotional events, but throughout the ENTIRE realm. But is there anything WRONG with that?

Although, for the most part, media entities aren't doing much to change the climate of things, they are merely adhering to traditional standards of beauty in what "the people" relate to or are responsive to. It's called marketing. Yes, there are entities who are trailblazing paths in changing or giving more balance to the media (little ol' me included), but just like racism and other discriminatory practices, it will NEVER fade away completely. Tough pill to swallow, huh?

If you think about it though, media entities merely have a PREFERENCE. We ALL have them. I don't like women who smoke. She doesn't like short men. He doesn't like 'loud' women. She doesn't like broke dudes. He doesn't like dark-skinned women. She doesn't like light-skinned men. Preferences. Of course even if you have a preference, you may be willing to step outside of that box for a reason or two, but it doesn't take away from the fact that you have preferences.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on what end of the spectrum you're on), writers, directors, producers, production companies, artists, marketing directors, casting agencies, corporate sponsors, artists' management, etc. ALL may have an opinion on what 'type' of individual they need for a particular role or part. That's the jist of it. If you fit that criteria, you have a shot. If not, better luck to you at your next audition. That's. Life.

***SIDENOTE: In my thirty-two years on this planet, I've been told dozens of times by Black women of all shades that "I don't like light-skinned guys," "You're too yellow for me," "You're cute...for a light-skinned guy," or "I need a man that's tall, dark, and handsome." Keep in mind that some of these females were my complexion or even lighter. So where does that leave a dude like me who's short, light, and kinda cute? And how did I resolve this? Easy. I keeps it movin'. ENDSIDENOTE***

If I was an actor, let's be real, I would never be cast for roles like Nino Brown, Stringer Bell, or Bishop. What if I really wanna portray the "gangster/hardcore" role? Society (and the media) will find it easier to believe if I was the light-skinned attorney dude played by Christopher Williams in "New Jack City" or Raheem in "Juice". Most Tyler Perry films also adapt to the idea that the dark-skinned guy is the bad guy, light-skinned guy is the good guy. Therefore, I would pretty much be type-casted. By the way, this is the same thing that goes on in music videos, commercials, print ads castings etc.. The dark-skinned guy is always the A-type gangsta. The light-skinned dude? Soft, Punk...these are easily words that describes HIS role.

But guess what? That's how it is in the industry. And moreso, similar thoughts and stereotypes tend to pop into all of our heads (Yes, even YOURS) on a regular basis. If you tell me it doesn't to my face, I'll call you a liar to your face.

The remainding remnants of horrid slavery, Black folks' desire to assimilate and be accepted, and self-hatred is a muthafugga, ain't it? Think about that.

Let it marinate.

With that said, before calling Rev. Al or the NAACP because you didn't get a role or part, understand that some people will recognize your true beauty and others won't. Just keep it moving.

That's Life.

Obama Wings!! *DING* Pick 'Em Up!!

BEFORE and AFTER

This is a spot in Brooklyn that obviously wanted to cash in on the Obamania.

*smh*

Damn, have we come to this??

spotted at ByronCrawford.com.

R.I.P. To The KING

Although I can't say it's a real shocker, KING magazine has shut down noting the reccession as the reason. I used to buy KING faithfully...for the articles of course. It was a cool men's mag and the name of it was fitting for me (since I'm a...well, KING) so I was an easy catch. I was its demographic audience.

KING mag, in my opinion, was a pioneer at promoting ethnic models at a time when there was a drastic need for this platform. As oppose to the traditional standards of beauty mainstream America drools over in white publications, KING used its covers to display the undeniable appeal of some of Hollywood's and the music world's most attractive women of color. It was also instrumental in the careers of some of the hottest up-and-coming models in the game like my homie Challedon "Shy" Saltor.

And again...they had some cool articles.

Anyway, with them folding, I wanted to give them a tribute of what I felt was some of their best covers. Check 'em out...

Shout to all the writers, editors, photographers, models, and celebrities that made KING what it was.

A Gift Fit For A Queen

While in London this week for the G20 summit with attendees from various powerful nations across the globe, President and First Lady Obama gave the "queen" (Only "Queen" I capitalize is "Queen Latifah"...I'm hiphop like that, don't judge me) an customized iPod with photos and video of her visits to the states as well as some music.

While skimming through the news stories today, I took notice that many people felt like is was an inappropriate gift. What.The.Fuck!! If the old bytch is a "queen", she more than likely has access to anything she wants except the fountain of youth but given the fact that she is of ancient years, an iPod would be the perfect gift in my opinion. Shiddd...ain't nothin' wrong with a little technology in yo' life. However, the mp3 player is loaded with showtunes and shyt like that. That's where President Obama could've really flexed his creativity. He definitely should've threw in some classic Niggas Wit' Attitudes, 2 Live Crew, and Geto Boys to make the playlist a little more balanced...but that's just me.

Anyhow, I'm trippin' off of what people are saying about the gift and how inappropriate it is. Isn't it the thought that counts? My parents gave me an iPod this past Christmas and I was the happiest little boy man on the block. It's a WONDERFUL gift!!

*shaking my head*

Some people are just some ungrateful muafuggas, I swear.