Letter To Young Monk

Young Monk senior year in high school

Not sure if y'all check my blogroll, but one site that I frequent is VerySmartBrothas.com. Chopping it up with the folks there is definitely insightful, side splitting, and entertaining to say the least. It's pretty much a relationship blog but the topics of discussion that ensue have NO boundaries. And I mean, NONE!!

On Friday, August 22nd, The Champ (one of the VSB's) posted an entry titled "hop in the delorean" - a great reference to the classic film "Back To The Future". The question asked was, "if you could hop into your personal relationship delorean and give advice to your former self, what the hell would you say?"

Here's what I would say to the younger me:

*NOTE: This includes my comment on VSB.com with more things added in as I further pondered.*

**NOTE#2: VSB.com tries to keep their site "work clean so as commenters there, we clean our language the fuck up. But here, on My2Cents-Sense.blogspot.com, I gives the raw.*

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Dear Young Monk,

You’re going into the second half of your 11th grade year. When you got your contacts and lost the nerdy frames you sported, you see how your swag (future slang term you’ll come to detest), confidence and charisma got a great boost?

Use this to your advantage.

Don’t let the pretty girl from the “cool” crowd use you to give her rides home. She’s cool and all but she’ll NEVER invite you in (the crib). She may buy you Burger King, but that about it. She may sit next to you in class, but that about it. When you ask her out, she will decline. Save yourself the time cause she ain’t gonna let you hit.

In going into your 12th grade year, don’t make that average-looking girl your girlfriend. And damn sure don’t stay with her your WHOLE senior year. You DO have options and you’ll miss out on a lot. Plus, she'll make constant references towards her ex and you WON'T remember anything about your prom (read: very forgettable, not-a-good-time). Oh yeah, don't wear fuckin' polka dots to your prom. It's "post-Kwame'" so don't let her influence you!!

That summer after you graduate, you’re going to meet many girls at the dollar store and music store you work. Don’t fuck with 'em!! (Well, maybe one of them)

One of which will turn out to be a stalker - coming up to your job unannounced and calling your parents’ house repeatedly. Do not...and I repeat...DO NOT bang her in the backseat of your Duster in Rouge Park after dark!! This will only lead to MORE stalkism. Even after you go away to college, she will still call resulting in your mom saying, "Damn, what did you DO to that girl?"

The really fine one will try to trap you. She knows you’re a good dude so given her “Detroit hood”-mentality, she’ll do whatever she can do to keep you including lieing about being pregnant with your child. While you're away at college, she'll even invite your Mom, brother, and sister to the freakin' CIRCUS in an attempt to get in good with Momma Monk. The Fuggin' CIRCUS?? What The Fuck?? Who DOES that?? She’ll prove to be more fatal attraction-esque after she tries to move down to Atlanta to be with you. Don't take the bait. A few years later, she’ll crank out 3 kids by 3 different dudes, none of which she’ll still be with. Not to mention, while you're talking to her long distance (we have cell phone plans with FREE long distance now also...LOL!!) using calling cards and shit, she'll NEVER mention her second or third children's birth.

As for the one who’s the daughter of your manager at the job, take Wise Monk and BBD’s advice - don’t trust that big butt and her smile. Her mom will like you enough to call you "son", but even SHE will tell you her daughter has problems so take heed. Your parents don't like her and her "loud", ghetto personality will be a HUGE turn-off. Don’t give her that $300 for an abortion. Don’t be that naïve. Once you break it off with her for good, she’ll come clean and tell you that she wasn’t even pregnant. Sucka. By the way Young Monk, make sure when you flush a used condom down the toilet, make sure that shit goes DOWN. Don't let your father come home from work and see that shit floating in the pot. Not.A.Good.Look. Even though he won't say anything to you at the time, it will come out when you're much older and be an ongoing joke with you and your brother.

The woman you meet who’s 7 yrs your senior, in the summer of '95, will turn your 18-year ass OUT!! She'll also be the first of other relationships you have with older women (and strippers). Anyway, have fun with her…she’ll make driving all the way to SouthWest Detroit worth the trip. You may get a kick out of knowing that you're too young to get into a strip club but you're still banging this chick while other cats fantasize about it, but things won't be all peaches and cream. She'll eventually tell you that she was pregnant with your baby and aborted it without even telling you. You'll never know if the story was true but you will realize it was for the best.

You’re going to learn a LOT about life and yourself in college. TREASURE THESE YEARS!! The real world ain’t no joke and paying back student loans is a bitch.

Young Monk, please do yourself a favor and stop fuckin' with the Detroit hoodrats when you come home on breaks and the summer. C'mon dawg, you're in college...don't go backwards.

You’re going to have a good time with the ladies in college, but you need to strap up ALL the time. Damn, nigga, when will you learn after the pregnancy scares?? Sittin' in a free-clinic wondering "what's up" is not what's "hot on the streets". ("Hot On The Streets" is a future phrase you'll ALSO come to detest). All I have to say, lil' nigga, is Thank God for penicilin.

Now listen to me, you’re gonna meet a sweet, smart, caring young lady who can cook her ass off (and make a bomb ass cheesecake). She’s from Detroit so y’all will immediately hit it off and have lots in common. Even though she’s a ’six’ in the looks department, KEEP HER!! The girl is DOWN for you and she'll show you in many ways. Granted, she's a virgin and saving herself, and you like to enjoy sex, suck it up. Fellow classmates will like you guys as a couple and her low key demeanor and passionate/active attitude will draw you to her. Like I said lil' homie, KEEP HER. Other chicks will prove to be supportive of you, but none like her.

When the dime piece starts giving you play, Don’t play the ’six’ to the side. Don't fall victim to the co-ed dorm building. Matter of fact, don't even stay in Beckwith Hall...Period!! The "KEEP HER" young lady will be lost in all that you have going on and not only will you feel bad about it later, but you'll lose a GREAT friend. If anything, man the fuck up and tell her that you're interested in someone else. You’ll be ‘the man’ amongst your friends for snaggin’ the dime, but you’ll eventually learn that when she told you she was going home for Thanksgiving, she really went to visit her ex. Also, stop using your birthdate as the PIN to your voicemail cause she will check your messages.

The "dime", will however, offer you great insight. Great times will be shared and you can chalk it up as "relationship practice".

Choosing your passion as your major will be a good decision, but you’ll find it difficult in getting a job right after you graduate. Be patient and persistent - it will pay off...You'll be a success. Tone down your trusting nature and separate business relationships from friendships. Some people will take advantage of you. Don’t sweat it…you’ll learn from it. And by the way, nigga KEEP GRINDIN'!!

Back to relationships, after you graduate from college, don't go bananas.

The stripper that you meet in ‘99 at Club Nikki’s will be great fun. The sex and hanging out with her will be the source of fantastic memories. Have fun but keep in mind y’all share very little in common and it will get old fast.

Stripper #2 that you meet at The Gentlemen’s Club (DAMN NIGGA!! YOU GOT A THANG FOR STRIPPERS??..LOL) will have too much going on. Right after she HOOKS you up for your birthday just let it fade away.

The weed head (ok, you're just making BAD decisions at this point) who will end up being "the Best Booty-Call Ever", be straight up with her cause she’ll eventually ask to hang out and shyt during the day. Just enjoy it while it last. You'll enjoy the videotapes you guys made years after though...you muthafuckin' freak you...lol.

You and your partner will make a good deal of cash off of selling Homecoming tapes of the various events, and that's cool, but don't carry on relations with chicks who are STILL in school after you've graduated. You will have fun, but it's not cool to be the dude hanging around campus AFTER you've graduated. By all means, get yo' money, but don't bed freshmen women when you've just graduated.

On another note, the younger dudes who's still in school at the time, limit your 'hanging' with them. They're not on your maturity level and they won't benefit you. Drinking with them WILL lead to unfortunate circumstances. Afterwards, once dude starts dealing drugs, you'll wonder if there was things you cou've done to prevent him getting locked up. If only you could've gave dome alternate advice...

The artistic lady whom you'll take an interest in, don't get too emotional because even though the beginning of the film "Brown Sugar" (and its premise) relates GREATLY to your relationship, someone else will spark her interest, but you two will remain cool friends.

In your mid-twenties, you’ll meet a sweet lady who’s four years older than you who has a very high paying job at a huge soft drink company. Things will be extraordinary between you two but don’t catch too many feelings for her. When things really start heating up, she’ll call it off and site her fear of letting a guy get too close since her divorce is the problem. This is the up-side and down-side of a relationship with an older woman. You can learn a LOT, however, you may just be at different points in your lives. So it won't work anyway. It will sting a little bit when she hits you with it, but don’t let it get to you though because once you move on, she’ll realize what she had and try to get back with you.

.Be cautious with the one that you move on with though because that will be a rollercoaster 3 years of your life (actually, more than that). Better yet, just end it at the first signs of fucked-up-ness that you have. Hold your heart and don’t fall in love. You guys will seriously consider marriage and having kids. Seriously. But good for you, you'll know you're not ready. She'll appear to be "Mrs. Monk" because of all the right reasons, but will turn out to be the total opposite. She detests her mother, yet, she is JUST LIKE HER. Please Young Monk, peep out this trait that some women have...it's a clear sign...DON'T FUCK WITH THEM!!!! Once the 'honeymoon phase ends, you'll see the truth. She'll be turn out to be BITTER, contradictory, disrespectful (although she may hide it at first), and she'll for always feel entitled to your respect without reciprocity. She'll be 3.5 years your senior also and her "game" and sense of "seeming-to-have-it-all-together" will blind you. Ironically, this will be a woman who you've known for years... Do Not flirt with her a little too much. Silly of you. She'll ask you out and you'll agree to escort her to her company's Christmas Party. Dude, don't do it. Months later, you'll both fall in love...and out of love over a 3 year period and what happens after that will lead to cops, law suits, and bullshyt.

Given your positive outlook, I know you're not gonna let past experiences take away from your awsomeness. You'll soak all of this in and do the right thing.

Needless to say, Never let a chick allow you to lose focus of yourself.

Do learn from all your experiences, it will make you an even better man.

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Anyways, I found this exercise (of writing a cautionary letter to one's old self) VERY therapeutic (and fun).

What do you think about my letter?? And also, I ask you the same question, if your present-day self could write a letter to the younger you, what would it say????