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"What These Bitches Want From A Nigga??" - DMX
Sorry, just felt like saying that...
Ok. This is a short documentary that's been floating around the intranets for a minute now. It's a topic that many of my female counterparts have spoken with me in disgust about on many occasions. Here's the scenario:
Black Girl walks down a street minding her own business. She encounters a few Black Boys hanging out talking about shyt that Black Boys talk about - Girls, sports, Girls, politrix, Girls, music, Girls, cars, Girls, their busta ass homeboy, Girls, what I'mma do when I get my money right, Girls, etc....you know the typical shyt. Oh yeah, did I mention Girls? Anyway, Black Girl walks by Black Boys and a couple of them make comments about her body parts...all of them check out her ass as she passes by. Black Girl ignores their comments to the best of her ability. Black Boys talk amongst each other about the Black Girl focusing their conversation on physicalities. Black Girl feels disrespected. End Scenario.
This scenario plays itself out time and time again at the workplace, on the train, in the mall, in the club, on the beach, at the bar-b-que, in the classroom, at church, at the zoo, everywhere countless times a day.
I feel the women in the video make a valid point about being harrassed (if it gets to that point), but the question that lingers in my head is what about the alternative. What if guys didn't react that way and ignored the sistas as they walked by? Better yet, what if dudes paid the sistas no mind, but showed their interest (disrespectful or not) to white women or women of other ethnic backgrounds?
Speaking in general, women seem to go that extra route to make themselves more attractive on a daily basis with the goal of being appealing all the time. That leads me to believe that they wish for their effort to not go without being appreciated. Obviously some brothas who may be lacking in the manners department go about it the wrong way, but if they didn't at all, what effect would that have on the female psyche? Would they in turn feel undesireable?
***WARNING: HARSH REALITY CHECK COMING IN 5...4...3...2...1...***
NONE OF THE CHICKS IN THE DOCUMENTARY WERE EVEN DIMES!! Not that it matters (although it maybe does) but, it would've been nice if Tracey Ross would've had a couple of knockouts that she interviewed. Truth be told, dudes tend to switch up their approach (read: game) depending on what the woman looks like. I'm not saying that gorgeous women don't fall prey to the immaturity and lack of respect that some dudes have, but I think that there will be a difference in the dynamic.
My Good People, what do YOU think?
***SIDENOTE: "What These Bitches Want From A Nigga??" was actually the working title of this post...aren't you glad I changed it? LOL!! I'm silly like that. Sue me. END SIDENOTE***
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8 comments:
... so unattractive women aren't respected when they walk by and pretty girls get the respectful approach and no discussion of their bodies?
I think you need more people.
*I get that you aren't necessarily stating this but its implied which causes me serious pause. Why can't young men find an appropriate way to express their appreciation besides lowering a woman down to her assets?
This may be one of the reasons why there are discussions like this one.
I enjoyed reading :)
Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa and New Years, Monk!
Interesting video, and I will say this: young under 25 get a disproportionate number of what I call 'unfriendly' hits by men. That's what many of them are really complaining about; it's like an undercurrent of hostility from these guys and doesn't feel like genuine interest. It feels like it's a sport for the fellas and they're just the target.
There's also something else: some teen girls and women rarely get harassed. I've watched them and been one. I think it has to do with how she carries herself.
Bullies, like dogs, have a radar for those who are fearful, and I suspect that young ladies who unconsciously exude a combination of fear and hostility are challenging to them. I discovered by accent in my early 20s that showing comfort with myself and strange men kept all but the worst ones from bothering me. Seriously. I had a job where I had to walk several blocks from a bus stop each day. I'd pass by dozens of young guys. I didn't avoid eye contact and would nod pleasantly if they spoke. If one tried to talk to me I treated him like a human being, and found it easiest to say, thanks, but I have boyfriend.
This even worked when when visiting in Harlem with a boyfriend at the time. He was standing at the opposite end of the block waiting to meet me. There were hundreds of people out, and I wore a pretty sundress and sunhat. Oh, so many catcalls! I loved it and smiled and kept walking, to him smiling.
I'm a mom now and my oldest kid is 20. What those young ladies in the film don't know and can't imagine is that the day will come that they wish more guys paid attention to them and that they hadn't walked in fear... lol. Such is life. I've taught my daughter these things (she's 13 but is tall, shapely and gorgeous, and can pass for 16), and the only time she's been harassed is from two old crazy farts in their 40s (on two different occasions) trying to pick her up. I'm sure she'll have her moments with the 20-something crowd later, but I doubt if it'll be remotely as much as the girls in the film. I think one key is teaching our daughters to not fear men and to be comfortable with themselves.
@ Tha Management:
I alluded to the reasoning that it would be interesting if the documentary's producer would have interviewed some drop-dead gorgeous girls in addition to the females she included. I never said that pretty girls are immune to the foolishness and judgmental standard that guys place on females...I merely said that there's a difference.
Tha Management says: "Why can't young men find an appropriate way to express their appreciation besides lowering a woman down to her assets?
I totally understand the frustration but it is physical shyt that shapes rather we want to deal with someone or not.
**Big, Huge, Long Sigh** Okay I first want to say that it has been a really long time since I have been approached in a majorly disrespectful way but I do get the ogles and the hey ma's which really aren't that big a deal if you ask me. So I may or may not be experiencing what these women are talking about or I may be less easily offended but anyways, first I do want to say I think the way a women looks and her mannerisms of course are going to garner a certain level of respect and therefore determine the type of approach. I have gone through a number of clothing styles, hair changes and confidence levels and I was approached different throughout them all...when I had natural hair and wore business casual attire most of the time, absolutely nothing but respect (no matter the type of guy) and of course hooch gear and a new hair style every other week...let's just say a um...different approach...lol!! These days I'm a pretty casual dresser (simple dresses, jeans, slacks and sweaters) and I wear my relaxed hair long with a few curls. It gets a respectful approach...I see eyes wander while asking for my phone number but never any rude remarks. It really boils down to the amount of confidence you exude and the respect you give the fella appoaching in return. And just so you know there are plenty of men who show the same amount of attention to women of other races...the big booty Dominican always gets the attention over me and it doesn't bother me at all...I'm completely okay with not hearing Daaaaammmmmnnn...look at those titties!!! directed at me vs. Daaaammmmnnnn...look at that ass!!! directed at her...lol!!! Better her than me....
@KIT, the under 25 thing you mentioned is key. That's why I referred to the femal in the scenario as "Black Girl" and the guys "Black Boys"...big difference.
@Telese, there is truth in what you say about the different clothing and hairstyles. As Chris Rock would say, one may not be a hoe but if they're wearing a hoe's uniform, it can be confusing...lol.
Amaaazing...the dedication at the end of the film; the fears the women (and young girl) had for their safety; the candidness of the women being interview, and the statement that warranted Caps and Bold for you was the "harsh reality" that none of the women were "dimes"...WOW! (Slowing back away from my computer now, in case what you have is contagious)... . I won't even attempt to respond to the specifics of your post because it's your blog, so your opinion is King -- I'm a believer in that.
I never saw this video, so I thank you for bringing it to my attention...even though the women aren't dimes :)
Be nice!
Before I start let me as you this...are you a rapper?
I swear nowadays it seems like rappers really like instigating shyt. Saying things they know will cause some problems. Counterintuitive shyt like why wouldn't a woman on the street be impressed by me and my boys talking at her (not to her) like she is a stripper at the club dancing for your paycheck (no offense to strippers at the club dancing for my paycheck).
The simple statement is this, as a man, if I decide that the type of woman I want will respond with extreme enthusiasm if I say "Damn ma your ass is lookin' right" then should I really be surprised that she doesn't take me seriously (or my boys). Or take it a step further, what if she feels like all she has to do in a relationship is maintain her looks and occasionally sleep with me then I should make sure she stays paid and financially comfortable (no lasting relationship is without giving/taking on both sides). I am pretty sure I know what that woman would be called... a ho right?
I am a firm believer that you will get what you ask for if you are consistent in your approach and planning. You want a woman that is impressed when a bunch of men ogle at her and start of a "relationship" based on their body then you will get that. She will either be a "ho", golddigger, have self-esteem issues, filled with drama or all of the above. Which will inevitably lead to baby mama drama, abuse or in general a time plagued by drama.
Don't get be wrong I enjoy a woman's body like any other man, probably more than some men in Atlanta, but I don't pay for sex, waste my time on doomed relationships and I have dedicated my life to avoiding as much drama as possible. What are you looking for?
@Execumama,
Did you read the post or did you just skim through it? Just wandering...
The documentary is cool, but I just felt like it was lacking in balance. That's my opinion. I think the impact of it could have been a little stronger if Ms. Ross would have included a a dime or two to examine the difference in the dynamic. Also, it wouldn't help if a male point of view was included as well. These are just my criticisms of the clip.
And if you don't feel like me stating none of the women were dimes as being "harsh", then cool, I didn't offend anyone.
@ Kris,
Are you a psychic? Of course, I'm a rapper...hahahaha!! Isn't everyone nowadays? LOL!! But Kris, I'm not sure, but in asking that and then giving your take on rappers, it seems like you're implying that I subscribe to that mind frame. Please reread the post and let me know where I implied that. After all the adjectives I used in rebuking these immature actions, hopefully you don't think I'm referring to myself.
By the way, I'm not looking.
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