Dollar, Dollar Bill Y'all....

Look, I love a good roast...as the one found over at the homies', Power and Awesome (GK and Luvvie), spot as they viciously went in on my man Dollar Bill...no-holds barred-style. I know it's all fun and games, but deez muthafathas got outta hand. We all know that "money talks" but they beat up on my dude so bad, he's been silenced.

Not to fear.

*Full Disclosure coming in 5...4...3...2...* Ya see, folks, Monk has a sensitive side. And GOTDAMMIIT I'm a fighter for the underdog. I got a tad offended by the way they left DB to die in a ditch. Therefore, it's my civic duty to speak up on this great, unjust travesty designed to smear the good name of my man lovingly known as "Buck". Ungrateful muafuggas they are!!

Feel free to check out their hilarious roast of Dollar Bill here.

*stepping to podium...taps mic*

Your Honor,

"Allow me re-introduce myself...My name is..." *hold up, wrong stage...my bad* I'm Attorney Council Monk Esq. III of George Muthafucking Washington and partners and I'm representing my dear ol' gracious friend, Dollar Bill.

With all due respect to the Lovely Luvvie and Grandioso Genius Khan...y'all some ingrate, repugnant, unappreciative, elitist ass kneegrows if I ever saw some.

Like fa real, after all Mr. Bill has done for you, this the muthfuckin' thanks he gets?? Fa Real????

To the judge and jury, I will present how these insidious, self-proclaimed "IGNANT", thankless sly-ass folks have unrighteously slandered the name of my client while totally ignoring his historic Greatness.

Now, in Every Black City, USA, there is one beverage that has always been a staple in the hood. If you guessed Coca-Cola (THE most popular brand ANYTHING on the world), please subtract one grade level from your "hood report card". If you guessed KOOL-AID, you are indeed correct. What does this has to do with the price of tea in China?? Absolutely nothing...BUT, Mr. Dollar Bill is single-handedly responsible for quenching the thirst of many hood folks across this vast land. You can go in the grocery store and easily rack up on a hundred thousand trillion packets of Kool-Aid in a variety of your most favoritest flavors...all for one Dollar Bill.

During P&A's roast, GK and Luvvie goes in on Mr. Bill's physical appearance ragging everything from his design to the smirking old face on it. However the sight of a crispy, vertically folded Dollar Bill can STILL get you:

a.) Preferential treatment from a bartender at a crowded bar where everyone else is trying to garner attention with "Hey's" and waving their empty hands.

b.) A young kid to do you a small favor like retrieving a bag of chips from the corner store for you.

c.) A sneak peek of a stripper's "pee-you-ess-ess-why" as she flirtaciously bats her eyes at you OR even a cheap feel if you place Mr. Bill in her thong just right.

Let's not forget that even though Dollar is the lowest valued US bill, when used the right way, it can make it seem like more than what it is. C'mon now, don't front...we've all at some point in time been guilty of using a knot of ones and putting a 20, 50, or 100 on top to make it look like we're ballllllin'. Shyt, as the saying goes, "Fake it 'til you make it." And in a capitalist society, perception is often construed as reality.

What would rap music be if it wasn't for my homie Dollar Bill? I know some of these cats are now jockin' euros and shyt, but think about the fabulous lines Mr. Bill has been a part of.

*"I'm about a DOLLAR, what the fuck is 50 Cent" - JayHova

*"Cash Rules Everything Around Me / C.R.E.A.M. Get the money / DOLLAR DOLLAR BILL y'all" - Method Man

*"Cuz my seconds, minutes, hours go to the almighty DOLLAR" - Lil' Weezy

*"I'm just another black man caught up in the mix / Tryin' to make a DOLLAR out of 15 cents" - Shock G

*"If it don't make DOLLARS, it don't make sense" - DJ Quik

I could go on and on but you get the point. If it wasn't for D. Bill, the greatness level of these songs would be taken down a notch.

In conclusion, judge and jury, I'd just like to say to all, lay off my man Dollar Bill. He's been having his Worst Year Ever, but he still my nigga.


Much love to Genius Khan and Luvvie!!