Dollar, Dollar Bill Y'all....

Look, I love a good roast...as the one found over at the homies', Power and Awesome (GK and Luvvie), spot as they viciously went in on my man Dollar Bill...no-holds barred-style. I know it's all fun and games, but deez muthafathas got outta hand. We all know that "money talks" but they beat up on my dude so bad, he's been silenced.

Not to fear.

*Full Disclosure coming in 5...4...3...2...* Ya see, folks, Monk has a sensitive side. And GOTDAMMIIT I'm a fighter for the underdog. I got a tad offended by the way they left DB to die in a ditch. Therefore, it's my civic duty to speak up on this great, unjust travesty designed to smear the good name of my man lovingly known as "Buck". Ungrateful muafuggas they are!!

Feel free to check out their hilarious roast of Dollar Bill here.

*stepping to podium...taps mic*

Your Honor,

"Allow me re-introduce myself...My name is..." *hold up, wrong stage...my bad* I'm Attorney Council Monk Esq. III of George Muthafucking Washington and partners and I'm representing my dear ol' gracious friend, Dollar Bill.

With all due respect to the Lovely Luvvie and Grandioso Genius Khan...y'all some ingrate, repugnant, unappreciative, elitist ass kneegrows if I ever saw some.

Like fa real, after all Mr. Bill has done for you, this the muthfuckin' thanks he gets?? Fa Real????

To the judge and jury, I will present how these insidious, self-proclaimed "IGNANT", thankless sly-ass folks have unrighteously slandered the name of my client while totally ignoring his historic Greatness.

Now, in Every Black City, USA, there is one beverage that has always been a staple in the hood. If you guessed Coca-Cola (THE most popular brand ANYTHING on the world), please subtract one grade level from your "hood report card". If you guessed KOOL-AID, you are indeed correct. What does this has to do with the price of tea in China?? Absolutely nothing...BUT, Mr. Dollar Bill is single-handedly responsible for quenching the thirst of many hood folks across this vast land. You can go in the grocery store and easily rack up on a hundred thousand trillion packets of Kool-Aid in a variety of your most favoritest flavors...all for one Dollar Bill.

During P&A's roast, GK and Luvvie goes in on Mr. Bill's physical appearance ragging everything from his design to the smirking old face on it. However the sight of a crispy, vertically folded Dollar Bill can STILL get you:

a.) Preferential treatment from a bartender at a crowded bar where everyone else is trying to garner attention with "Hey's" and waving their empty hands.

b.) A young kid to do you a small favor like retrieving a bag of chips from the corner store for you.

c.) A sneak peek of a stripper's "pee-you-ess-ess-why" as she flirtaciously bats her eyes at you OR even a cheap feel if you place Mr. Bill in her thong just right.

Let's not forget that even though Dollar is the lowest valued US bill, when used the right way, it can make it seem like more than what it is. C'mon now, don't front...we've all at some point in time been guilty of using a knot of ones and putting a 20, 50, or 100 on top to make it look like we're ballllllin'. Shyt, as the saying goes, "Fake it 'til you make it." And in a capitalist society, perception is often construed as reality.

What would rap music be if it wasn't for my homie Dollar Bill? I know some of these cats are now jockin' euros and shyt, but think about the fabulous lines Mr. Bill has been a part of.

*"I'm about a DOLLAR, what the fuck is 50 Cent" - JayHova

*"Cash Rules Everything Around Me / C.R.E.A.M. Get the money / DOLLAR DOLLAR BILL y'all" - Method Man

*"Cuz my seconds, minutes, hours go to the almighty DOLLAR" - Lil' Weezy

*"I'm just another black man caught up in the mix / Tryin' to make a DOLLAR out of 15 cents" - Shock G

*"If it don't make DOLLARS, it don't make sense" - DJ Quik

I could go on and on but you get the point. If it wasn't for D. Bill, the greatness level of these songs would be taken down a notch.

In conclusion, judge and jury, I'd just like to say to all, lay off my man Dollar Bill. He's been having his Worst Year Ever, but he still my nigga.


Much love to Genius Khan and Luvvie!!

My Favorite Song (Right Now) part TWO!!

If you're like me, you're not a fan of Jim Jones.
And when I say, "not a fan", I mean you think his ghastly lack of lyrical ability, obnoxiously pathetic flow, and fake gangsterisms is an atrocious example of what NOT to do as an artist.

With my utter disgust for him out the way, I still must say that this is the most bangingest joint out right now.



"Pop Champagne" by Jim Jones, Ron Brownz, and Juelz Santana


This is the perfect video when we're in the midst of possibly the most titanic recession the U.S. has ever experienced, ya think? Lol!! I'm not gonna hate though cause when they were just bugging out having fun, spraying champagne on each other, and all that (read: COONING), I thought it was funny...lol. They really had a good time I'd assume.

I was first hooked on the song when I heard it while listening to Ryan Cameron a few weeks ago. The beat dropped and I was in awe. I like simple shyt...lol. Somewhat reminded me of the first time I heard the Clipse's "Grindin'" beat. The shyt just knocked!! And then Luda came on and ripped it. I'm thinkin', "Damn, I can't wait for Cris's new joint to drop!!"

Then, all of a sudden, this nigga comes and tries his hardest to fuck up his own song. *shaking my damn head* Luckily, I can just use my wack nigga earmuffs and focus on the beat while he attempts to rap.

Bottomline is...if you do not like this song or AT LEAST think it's "AIIGHT", then you must really REALLY be a Jim Jones hater. Trust me, it hurts for me to admit how dope it is, but...it is.

This will actually be the theme song for my birthday, THE 16th, although I won't be poppin' champagne.

That is all.

checkmate

I'll be the first to admit when I'm wrong.

And GOT DAMN, it feels SO GOOD to be wrong right now. America has elected a Black Man as their President. I knew in my heart of hearts that AmeriKKKa would never allow this to happen...lo and behold, I stand corrected.

I'm an Obama supporter and my only wish now is that the "bad apples" in America don't start trippin'. But I'm not going to entertain that right now.

Anyway, I hope everyone celebrate responsibly and don't neccessarily throw it up in Republican/McCain supporters in an exuberant way. There should be no "We Won Bytchez!!", "Take That Muthafuckaz!!", or "BooYah!!'s".

Keep in mind that there's a LOOONNNGGG road ahead and this is just one step (albeit a HUGE one) so let not get too lax. As the cliche' goes, this is checkers not chess.

So when addressing McCain/Palin supporters, just quietly say to them "checkmate".

That is all...and keep it moving.

In the words of the WU, "You best Protect Ya' Neck!!"



P.S. I am saddened that his grand mammy didn't live to see the day. I know the fact she didn't make it still weighs heavy on my dude.

P.S.S. Can we start a petition to paint the white house BLACK or is it too early?? Lol. Word to MC Breed.

P.S.S.S. I wonder what Bill Cosby has to say about have a Black President with a name like "BARACK"...I'm just asking...

SNEAK PEEK: "VIXENS" coming soon to 2BoldTV.com!!!!

What's Up My Good People,

Just droppin' off a couple of snippets from an internet television show I've been crafting for the past couple of months. The show is called "VIXENS" and it will be airing exclusively on 2BoldTV.com soon. Here's a brief synopsis on the show:

===========================

***VIXENS


With the popularity of music videos and urban lifestyle men's magazines such as King, Smooth, and Show, gorgeous ethnic women of all shades, shapes, and sizes have been given the opportunity to excel in the modeling industry - an industry that has been primarily designated for super-thin Caucasian models.

"Vixens" will showcase the hottest models as well as fresh, new faces that are ready to make their mark in this intriguing profession. In-depth interviews, behind the scenes of photo shoots, and fashion commentary with some of the industry's hottest stylists will provide insightful information that digs deep into the dirt of an industry known for its glitz and glamour.

We will also take the viewer on a 'Day In The Life'-journey with some of the hottest models as our cameras follow them throughout personal aspects of their life such as attending casting calls, going to the gym, working on other projects, their home life, etc..

Captivating testimonials, raw and candid dialogue, and breath-taking visuals all contribute to "Vixens", making it a unique series in filling a huge void in the entertainment business. For the first time, these beautiful faces and dynamic physiques are given a VOICE!!

===========================

Here's a few snippets to give you an idea of what to expect. You have to wait for the actual shows to get the full interviews and other exclusive features.


2BoldTV.com "VIXENS" promo starring Challedon "Shy" Saltor from Presidential Television and Film on Vimeo.

Challedon "Shy" Saltor


2BoldTV.com "VIXENS" snippet starring Jream from Presidential Television and Film on Vimeo.

Jream


2BoldTV.com "VIXENS" snippet starring LaKeeda Kelly from Presidential Television and Film on Vimeo.

LaKeeda Kelly

If you're interested in being featured on "VIXENS", feel free to drop me an email at PresidentThomasForbes@gmail.com.

Special Thanks also to Darnik aka Spock of 2Bold Entertainment, the models who allowed us the opportunity to give a behind the scenes look at what goes on in their lives and two of the most talented young brothers on the come up in the film game Tedric and Chancler.

I will be posting more snippets soon so check back....

EARLY!!

Damn.

My homie just sent me this video. It's funny as shyt and had me laughing out loud LITERALLY...but after watching, I know what I must do.

LOL!!

My Favorite Song (Right Now) part ONE!!

The homie Telese posted a blog several days ago that contained the video for Ne-Yo's "Independent Woman"(Remix) (or whatever the song is called). I hate the original, but the remix, delights me much. I enjoy the video's simplicity also. It got me to thinking how I am a fan of Ne-Yo and really enjoy his writing for other people. Case In Point...



NKOTB feat. Ne-Yo "Single"

Little known factoid about me (well, actually, you might already know this), I am a fan of music...translated, that means I appreciate everything from the World's Most Dangerous Group, NWA's "Fuck The Police" to "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack to the Carpenters' "Close To You" to "Feels So Good" by Chuck Mangione to L'Trimm's "Cars With The Boom".

I will admit (proudly) that I wasn't a fan of New Kids On The Block back in the day...But this joint is a definitive BANGER!!

As most R&B and Pop songs, the premise is corny, but hell, I can be corny (in an ultra-charming way) at times, so I can actually see myself sayin' some shyt like "I'll be your boyfriend 'til the song goes off"...lol. I can SO say this and make it work. Trust me on this...LOL!!

Anyway, NKOTB's "Single" is My Favorite Song (Right Now)...with Tip's feat. Rhiana, "Live Your Life" coming in a CLOSE second. Who knows...this may change tomorrow but that's my statement and I'm sticking to it (for right now).

Oh yeah, if you're a SUPER-hard dude (and when I say "Super-hard" ~no brokeback~), who will never admit to liking a great song like this OR an undateable, "single", classless bytch, "I wanna rough neck/thug/d-boy"-type of female you may argue about this song's GREATNESS. In turn, you'll be wrong.

A Billi,..a Billi...a Billi...

I got this email earlier this week and figured I'd share...

=========================

This is too true to be funny. The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it's releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no one walked on the earth on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it. While this thought is still fresh in our brain...let's take a look at New Orleans ...It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator,
Mary Landrieu (D) is presently asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number...what does it mean?

A. Well... if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, and child) you each get $516,528.
B. Or... if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or... if you are a family of four...your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D. C
"HELLO!"
Are all your calculators broken??

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax Food
License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge
Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax Vehicle License
Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...and our
nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt...
We had the largest middle class in the world...and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?

Can you spell 'politicians!' And I still have to press '1' for English. I hope this goes around the USA at least 100 times What the heck happened?????

=========================

All I can say is "Wowwww..."

Too Funny!!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

spotted over at the rezidue

Failin'...oops...I mean 'Palin". My Bad...

So, I'm in a local pizzaria, right?

I called in my order and expected it to be ready when I got there. When I walked in, the place reeked of something burning. I have no idea of how these folks couldn't smell anything BURNING!! They have to be experts right...at least when it comes to shyt BURNING? Even the customers who were dining in the spot said nothing. WTF??

I swear, when I walked in, I smelt the scent of 'burned-ness". I've frequented this spot for MANY times in the past couple of years (read: two point five) and I've never experienced that.

**What I've said has NOTHING to do with this post...LMAO!!!! but not really.**

Anyways, I know it may perceieved as 'childish', this pic is funny to me:



Maybe I'm wrong for finding humor in this...maybe some folks just need to lighten the fuck up.

The Lost Videos part TWO!!

Now I know most of y'all have already seen this parody of the homie Lil' Duval's take on the BET interview with R. Kelly. Even though the subject matter is of a serious nature, I can't help but crack the fugg up every time I watch this.

Hilarious!!

LIL DUVAL INTERVIEWS R KELLY


Maybe I'm sick for thinking this, but the funniest part of this parody doesn't even come for Duval...It's when Robert, with a serious ass face says, "When you say TEENage, how old we talkin'?" WTF????

I've worked with R.Kelly years ago when the whole tape thing was really hitting the fan and I know his management (at the time...not sure if he's still represented by them) was EXTREMELY protective of EVERY small detail of the production. To think that someone stood around, heard him say that, and didn't immediately press to have that answer stricken from the final cut is beyond me. Nevertheless, it's funny as hell.

Oh shyt!! I got off track (not the first time, won't be the last). Anyway, I'll leave you with this video we directed for Do Or Die feat. R. Kelly. "Magic Chic".

We shot this up in the Chi and we had a BLAST!! The guys from DOD were real cool and hospitable to say the least. Truly legends but very humble. This was also my first time meeting Bishop Don Magic Juan. We kicked it with him in his hotel room and the dude is full of stories. Don't let the gaudy outfits fool you, he's really a wise and good dude. Enough about that though...here's the video.

Magic Chic